Willow's Froggy Evening
by Eric Jablow
Summary: Willow is scared of frogs. She meets a very unusual specimen.


Willow's Froggy Evening  
by Eric Jablow  
  
Setting: Season 4, after Doomed and before New Moon Rising.  
  
Synopsis: Willow hates frogs. The mascot of the WB is a frog.  
What else need anyone say?  
  
Rating: G. This story has no dialogue, for obvious reasons.  
Just imagine appropriate sound effects and trumpet blasts  
covering up the dialog.  
  
Disclaimer: All the BtVS characters are the possession of Mutant  
Enemy, Warner Brothers, Twentieth Century Fox, etc. All the  
other cartoon characters are the possession of Warner Brothers  
and Charles M. Jones. I hope they don't sue me.  
  
---  
  
MERRIE MELODIES  
  
Michigan J. Frog  
  
In  
  
Willow's Froggy Evening  
  
---  
  
The camera tracks through the streets of Sunnydale, stopping at a  
crowd looking at a ruined building. The crowd has gathered as  
close as it can to the ruins of Sunnydale High School, but  
barricades have kept people from getting too close.  
  
The camera cuts to the barricade. At the barrier itself, Buffy  
Summers, Rupert Giles, Xander Harris, and Willow Rosenberg stand  
and pay their final tributes to the school that nearly killed  
them and that they themselves destroyed.  
  
Giles pulls out a flask while Xander hands the others soda cans,  
and they toast the school on its last day.  
  
The camera cuts to a construction crane; a burly guy pulls some  
levers. Then the camera shows a wrecking ball swinging at the  
building, knocking parts of it down. With every crash, the crowd  
gives a ragged cheer. The camera cuts to our heroes for a  
moment, and we see Xander mug for the camera and Buffy take a  
bow. Then, we see the wrecking ball smash the corner of the  
building, just over the cornerstone.  
  
The camera closes in on the cornerstone, and then it swings over  
it. We see a metal box. The box swings open, and we see a  
frog. It makes a "Ribbit" noise, and hops out of the cavity. We  
see it hopping away from the school.  
  
---  
  
It's now night; a full moon is out. The camera shows Buffy and  
Willow as they walk through a graveyard. Willow points up and  
gesticulates, and Buffy grasps her hands to try to calm her.  
Evidently, the moon reminds her of Oz.  
  
Suddenly, Buffy points to her left; they turn, and see two  
ill-dressed men leaving a crypt. Of course, they aren't men, not  
really. Buffy leads Willow as they walk toward the vampires.  
  
We see Buffy banter with the vamps as Willow snickers. Then, one  
vamp charges Buffy, and she throws him into a tree. The other  
attacks Buffy while the first recovers. Willow steps behind a  
gravestone and crouches. She hears a croak from next to her, and  
looks to her right.  
  
"When you walk through a storm,  
Hold your head up high,  
And don't be afraid of the dark."  
  
Willow looks at the unlikely singer, and gasps. It's the frog  
from the High School. She gets up and starts to run, but Buffy's  
fight is nearing its climax, and she doesn't want to get in its  
way. She cringes and ducks again, as the frog belts out another  
song.  
  
"Hello, my honey!  
Hello, my baby!  
Hello, my ragtime gal!"  
  
Willow stands up again, as Buffy saunters toward her, brushing  
herself off. Willow points down at the frog and wildly tries to  
explain what happened. Buffy seems unimpressed, but she bends  
over to look at the frog.  
  
"Ribbit!"  
  
Buffy shakes her head and leads Willow away, and the frog hops  
after them.  
  
"Ribbit!"  
  
Willow turns and tries to kick the frog away, and it dodges and  
hops off. [No, not baseball. That's another cartoon entirely.]  
  
---  
  
It's the next morning; the camera shows Buffy and Willow's empty  
door room. Then, the door opens. Willow comes in, moves to her  
desk, and sets her books down. She then goes to her window and  
looks out. Suddenly, the frog jumps onto the window ledge and  
sings.  
  
"From a distance the world looks blue and green,  
and the snow-capped mountains white.  
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,  
and the eagle takes to flight.  
  
"From a distance, there is harmony,  
and it echoes through the land.  
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,  
it's the voice of every man."  
  
Willow shrieks, gets a hardcover book from her desk, and tries to  
swat the frog. The frog dodges her blows, while still singing  
the song. Then, the dorm room creaks, and the frog instantly  
falls silent. Xander comes in.  
  
Willow rushes to Xander and pulls him to the window. She  
gesticulates toward the frog, and Xander rolls his eyes. She  
picks up the frog by its legs and tries to show it dancing. The  
frog does nothing, and Xander shakes his head. Finally, Willow  
lets the frog go.  
  
"Ribbit!"  
  
---  
  
It's the evening; Buffy, Xander, and Anya are at Giles'  
apartment, eating him out of house and home. They are making  
desultory passes at his book collection; there must be a minor  
demon threat. Suddenly, Willow comes in; she has a box in her  
hands. Her hands flap; she's pointing at the box and trying to  
explain something. No one looks impressed. Finally, she opens  
the box, and we see the frog.  
  
"Ribbit!"  
  
Anya looks at Xander and twirls her finger at her ear--the  
universal sign of mental illness. Xander looks angry.  
  
Anya turns to Giles and points toward Willow. We see her from  
the back, and so we don't see exactly what sign she makes, but  
Giles reacts the way he did in "Hush" when she signed toward  
Xander. [This is a G-rated cartoon. Please.]  
  
Finally, Anya points out the window, back toward campus, and  
makes an hourglass figure with her hands. Now, Buffy's angry.  
Everyone argues, and the scene fades out.  
  
---  
  
The next day--Willow's sitting on a bench reading a book:  
Abnormal Psychology. Suddenly, the frog hops onto the bench next  
to her.  
  
"I'm going to find myself a house,  
In the shade of the freeway.  
I'm going to pack my lunch in the morning,  
And go to work each day."  
  
Willow starts to scream, and the frog keeps singing until a  
campus policeman comes by to investigate. Willow points to the  
frog.  
  
"Ribbit!"  
  
The policeman stands Willow up and walks her away. The frog  
follows.  
  
---  
  
We see a sinister mansion guarded by a wrought-iron fence topped  
with barbed wire. There is a sign on the fence:  
  
Sunnydale Psychopathic Hospital  
  
The camera moves to a second floor window, and it looks through.  
We see Willow being harangued by a doctor and forced to chant  
something. Presumably, it's about frogs not being able to talk.   
  
The camera pulls back, and looks through a neighbouring window.  
We see the same scene, except that Willow has been replaced by  
Elmer Fudd, dressed up in a bunny suit. [I guess he wandered in  
from another cartoon. Remember--tax day is coming.]  
  
Some time passes, and we now see Willow looking out her barred  
window. Suddenly, the frog joins her and sings.  
  
"They say ev'rything can be replaced,  
Yet ev'ry distance is not near.  
So I remember ev'ry face  
Of ev'ry man who put me here.  
I see my light come shining  
From the west unto the east.  
Any day now, any day now,  
I shall be released."  
  
Willow begins to cry.  
  
---  
  
We now see Willow wandering through the campus of UCS--I guess  
her health care plan wouldn't spring for a long stay. She heads  
up to her dorm room, goes to her computer, and starts to type.  
Suddenly, we hear a song from her window--the frog is back.  
  
"Crazy ... I'm crazy for feelin' so lonely   
I'm crazy ... crazy for feelin' so blue   
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted,   
And then someday, you'd leave me for somebody new "  
  
Suddenly, Willow gets a mad look; she grabs the frog, puts it  
into a metal case, pokes air holes in it, seals it with tape,  
wraps it in paper, scrawls an address on it, and puts on some  
stamps. She runs downstairs, and puts it into a mailbox. A  
mail truck comes by immediately, and the driver loads the mail.  
[Hey, it's a cartoon.]  
  
---  
  
It's an insanely sunny day, and Cordelia opens the door to the  
[first] AI office. She's loaded down with a pile of mail. She  
sets it on her desk, and grabs the box on the top of the pile.  
She unwraps it and opens the case:  
  
"She grew up with   
the children of the stars,  
in the hollywood hills and the boulevard.  
Her parents threw big parties;  
everyone was there.  
They hung out with folks like   
Dennis Hopper, Bob Seger, and Sonny and Cher.   
She feels safe now,  
in this bar on Fairfax,   
and from the stage I can tell that,  
she can't let go and she can't relax.  
And just before   
she hangs her head to cry,  
I sing to her a lullaby. I sing   
Everything's gonna be all right,  
rockabye, rockabye.  
Everything's gonna be all right,  
rockabye, rockabye,  
rockabye."  
  
Cordelia screams.  
  
---  
  
Closing credits:  
  
"Th-th-th-that's all folks!"  
  
---  
  
The songs were, in order, "You'll Never Walk Alone", from  
"Carousel", by Rodgers and Hammerstein; "Hello My Baby", by Ida  
Emerson and Joseph E. Howard; "From a Distance", by Julie Gold;  
"The Pretender", by Jackson Browne; "I Shall Be Released", by Bob  
Dylan; "Crazy", by Willie Nelson; and "Lullaby", by Shawn  
Mullins.  
  
  
  
  
  
Respectfully,  
Eric Jablow 


End file.
